make me wanna holla!

actually holla isn't accurate. cry is closer to the actual feeling.

i hate this vague, desolate feeling that i get every now and then. like nothing i ever do will ever make it better. i try to think of things that'll cheer me up but nothing helps. i want so much about my life to change but i can never make that first move to make things change.

oh well - it'll pass, as all things do.

long time no.....well....no anything

Greetings - it's been quite a while since i've posted anything here. well 17 days to be almost exact. not alot has happened in those 17 days. let's list them, shall we?

1 - worked wayyyyy too much overtime
2 - didn't make near enough money for it
3 - turned 27 on the 21st (yay me!)
4 - read books 1-8 of Lone Wolf and Cub
5 - bowled twice, averaging about 120.....i'm really bad at bowling
6 - ate sushi
7 - got called a dick by more than 3 people
8 - posted my second attempt at a sonnet on Poetrism
9 - hedged on getting hosted again

Ah well - productive time.

No worries though. I find out more and more about myself and I learn that I'm willing to put up with alot more than I originally imagined. So there you have it. I'm a pretty simple guy. If you get mad when I fart, don't act all indignant when I get pissed when you fart. Like I shouldn't get mad at all because I should've known the fart was coming since you had Taco Bell or something.

some shit about me

hola - i'm bored so i'm going to list some stuff people might not know about me....this'll be fun. trust me.

- i hate clowns
- i can't swim but i grew up in Florida - fucked up huh?
- i dropped out of college
- i was a music perf major
- i have no ambition in life - when asked what i want to be, i usually answer "whatever i am today."
- i'm generally a happy person
- people usually don't believe i'm a happy person
- most people think i'm a dick.....and they're right
- i love sushi
- my favorite book is The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - I read it twice a year, maybe more
- i've never beaten Final Fantasy X but i tell people i have so they don't tell me about it
- i write poetry - sometimes good, sometimes bad, always honest
- my author du jour is Chuck Palahniuk
- i love broadway musicals
- i'm not gay
- i use the Downy ball AND Downy dryer sheets when i do laundry
- i'm seriously not gay - i get that alot
- i've never been arrested but i have been chased
- i'm OCD when it comes to numbered collections - i have to get them all, no exceptions - for example, a friend bought me a Criterion disc and i think it's fucked me up for life; they KEEP ADDING MORE!!!
- the closest i ever came to being brainwashed was when i went to church
- life is good. i honestly have nothing to really complain about. i bitch a bit but that's just part of the ebb and flow of things.

so there - I was bored and you get to see part of me. enjoy.

new poem!

meaning - 9.8.03

at lunch tonight, my friend asked me that question and I couldn't think of an answer worthy of her so i wrote a poem about it instead. sometimes i get mushy. i don't know why....it just sorta happens. but i usually write good stuff when it does happen so there you have it. it's pure and simple and only begins to scratch the surface as to what she means to me. :)

unrelated side note, I wish Sam Brown would update Exploding Dog sometime this month. I'm sure he's busy and all that but I miss the new pictures. and something's been fuckered up on my favorite web comic for the last couple of days. hope it's not too bad....

looking for hosting

so I'm checking out different places to get my site hosted (going to be www.poetrism.com) and, if anyone even checks this out on a semi-regular basis, I'd appreciate any suggestions you all could give me as to who I should go with. I'm looking at pairNIC.com right now. They've got a decent, $10/mo. plan and I don't plan on getting so big that I exceed 200mb/month so that might be the right option for me.

suggestions, comments, complaints? send them here.

not nervous anymore

YAY!!! I just had a great time with my bestest friend. we went bowling with some people from work and, other than getting called a "jealous shit" once, i had a blast. okay okay, even getting called a shit was fun too since she was the one doing it.

i'm also getting my first adventure as a Dungeon Master ready for two of my players. i need to get more involved but, once we're all living within 5 minutes of each other, it'll be alot easier to plan and get things going. as it stands now, we all live at least 30 minutes from each other, Huntington being the central most location between my best friend, K and I. :) (K is all i'll say as she knows who she is).

so anyways, it's going to be a rough time getting everyone together but it'll be fun once we're all set. i hope i'm a good DM. i don't want to be a rules hag and constantly haggle with people over some obscure rule and i don't want ot stretch the rules so much that it's way over-balanced and the people aren't having fun because it's too easy. i just want to make it hard enough where they actually feel a sense of accomplishment when their character does well and a sense of loss or sadness when they don't. it won't be impossible but it's not going to be a cakewalk either.

i'll post the results of my first foray in the DM world here once we're finished with the first chapter entitled "Judgement."

so i'm a bit nervous

i hate feeling like i've done something wrong - i think i mentioned that a post or two back - and i've been sitting here for the last 4 hours trying to figure out what i've done and how i can fix it. i never mean to hurt her and it kills me when i do.....

so here's the deal - we almost stopped being friends because i would get unnaturally jealous over every guy she talked to or emailed. i would mainly feel insecure in the fact that she was talking/emailing someone else and not me. after one week where i'd acted particularly horrid, i thought i'd lost her forever......i was lucky. she really cares about me and i her and, so far, that's helped us get through some times where i've been downright overbearing. we're finally comfortable with each other again and i go and ruin it by telling her i've been emailing someone she thinks i might be interested in. in all honesty, i was just asking if she'd heard from my friend because, after we left the bar last night, she was kind of drunk and i was worried because she didn't email me when she got home. i have no interest in this person, just like she has no interest in the guys that i get jealous of, but it looked bad because this person emailed her and told her she was talking to me......

i don't know. she knows how i feel about her. she knows that i don't even consider other women as any more than friends. she told me once that her friendship with this guy doesn't take away from our friendship and i believe her. i feel the same way.....my friendship (and i use friendship loosely - she's a work acquaintance) with her has no bearing on how i feel about my bestest friend in the whole wide world.